Dreams about the West, Mother, Father and Family

     I haven't written anything in awhile and I'm sorry about that. I hit a wall when it came to writing, and not because I didn't know what to write about, with rabbit snaring, winter camping, fresh blankets of snow, a book even, and believe it or not a mall survival guide (which is still coming).

     It's because of some things that happened this year. Many of you who are closest to me know that on June 25th of this year, my mother passed away from a heart attack. She was just 47 years old. My family and I moved back East to Minnesota to be where our happiest memories of her are. She loved it here, she loved to watch the birds at the feeders she set out for them. Now whenever I go to write I'm hit by these thoughts and feelings and suddenly everything shuts down and I can't write anything. When I lay down to go to sleep every night, It's like I'm right back in the hospital and I relive everything that happened that night. It is only after doing this that I can sleep, I've tried not thinking about it but I end up awake all night. I opened up to a close friend of mine about these troubles and he suggested that I write about it, which leads me here, telling hundreds of people about what happened to my family.

     Last night was different.

     Last night I fell asleep right away and I dreamt of the West. I was standing in the pasture in the sweltering heat of a Utah July afternoon. I fired up the wheeled single spout, water gun to hydrate the pasture. And I'm staring up at Loafer Mountain to the North of my families 50 acre ranch. I turn to head back to the house, as I walk past the pig barn, tucking my gloves into my pocket I stop and I look to see my father splitting wood by the shed just past the riding arena and suddenly everything just stops and I think of my father. My father the one who taught me things I needed to know about the land, livestock, splitting wood, and working hard to provide for those for which you love, and cherish deeply.

     After the reminder of my father I am plunged back into that dark part of my life following the passing of my mother. When we got back from that Hospital I hadn't slept for three days due to the grief. We decided shortly after to move. The funeral, the trip to Minnesota, the goodbyes, the final move, the last hard push away from the West. In hindsight I believe I may have gone crazy, and if you ask a certain friend of mine in Utah, she can certainly attest to it.

     I began writing this post two days ago, and though the dreams of Utah happened every night since I started writing it, I am able to get my rest. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my mother and father, the rest of my family. When I think of my father, it gives me hope, despite the terrible thing that happened, he stays strong, for himself and his children and I really don't know how he does it sometimes. Most of all I think about my younger brother Caiden, who is about to turn 7 and how he won't get to know our mother aside from memories and stories from the rest of our Family. But he will grow up good and strong thanks to my Dad and sisters.

     I wrote this to maybe get some closure and start writing again because I really do love it. Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing, it was harder piece to write and I imagine it was hard to read.

As usual, good luck and stay safe out there!

Comments

  1. I am your Mother's aunt by marriage which means I was married to Ray Lytton's brother, Roger Lytton. I post as Thele on Google but my name is Ethel Lytton. I enjoy your writing and I can see you have a deep need to write and the talent to do it well. May God bless you as you go through this season of missing your Mom during Christmas and the New Year. I will be praying for you. Remember Psalm 91.

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  2. Thank you Thele for your kind words. I really do enjoy writing , I don't know how good I am but I'll keep writing until I run out of things to write about. Thank you and God bless!

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